Hunting your man (how to bring out the best)

For a man and a woman to stay in a powerful connection over time, it is required that the female constantly be “hunting” for the man that she was attracted to in the beginning. Familiarity and its sidekick, contempt, can barge in on any long term relationship, whether professional or familial. Here’s an illustration of how to keep it at bay, while enhancing the qualities that you most admire in your man. Sunday morning, an early email announced: the father of my husband’s mentor had died. His burial was happening that afternoon, a few miles from where my husband Fred would be working. I felt intuitively that we would be there for Donny, to support him and show our love. But when I mentioned it to Fred, he felt he would be too busy at work to get away. Hours passed. The time for the cemetery visit arrived. I drove myself to the cemetery, where I saw friends and colleagues, assembling on the lawn before the interment. One colleague of my husband’s, a strong, sincere man, asked after Fred. In response to my answer, he said, “Get him here. It would really touch Donny.” I called Fred on his cell phone. No answer. I called his assistant and she put me through immediately. Although he was working, he felt urgency in my voice when I asked him to drop what he was doing and come to the cemetery. As we stood graveside 10 minutes later, Fred joined us. Embracing his teacher and friend Donny, compassion and emotion flowed over his face. Later, Fred said to me, “Thank you for standing for me to be the person who would be here for my friend.” With my “11th hour” call summoning Fred to the graveside, I summoned also the man I know he is: a man who shows up, with strength and compassion, for a dear friend. I made a stand for the man I want him to be, with qualities I was attracted to 13 years ago: a leader of people, a wise and sensitive person who considers his action and chooses to take care of his people. This is the man I continue to “hunt”, to cultivate and to celebrate.